Jerry Nixon on Windows: Why Chris Hayes should have used Windows 8 to say “I’m Sorry”

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Why Chris Hayes should have used Windows 8 to say “I’m Sorry”

imageOver the Memorial Day weekend, Chris Hayes said a few untoward blunders on live television. Look, we all make mistakes – it’s how you handle your mistakes that matters. Is his apology sufficient? I don’t know. In fact, I don’t even care. But I do know his MSNBC statement could have been a lot easier with Windows 8.

Here’s how:

Getting “Uncomfortable”

Windows 8 applications cannot communicate with each other. This is by design. Applications are isolated so that they cannot make a user’s experience “uncomfortable” with lackluster performance and machine corruption. Instead, working in a sandbox allows Windows 8 to improve not only the overall experience but battery expectancy, predictability, and happiness.

Introducing Contracts

But communication between applications is not a non-starter. Instead, Windows 8 provides a “contract” that allows some applications to “share” information out and some applications to “share” information in; some applications may even do both. Contracts allow applications to share without knowledge of the receiving application. As a result, an application can share with apps that have not even been written yet.

Saying “Sorry”

Admitting you are wrong is more than acknowledging you are caught. At the same time, as I teach my daughters, offering forgiveness is more for you than the person you are forgiving. But delivering a press release apology to a broad media circus calling for your crucifixion – that needs to be efficient. Windows 8, and share contracts, is made to help even Chris Hayes be more efficient.

Step-by-Step for Mr. Hayes

Chris HayesMr. Hayes, we regret you have found yourself in this situation. We all make mistakes, but we recognize yours is big – really big. However, we are confident you can get the word out of just how big a mistake this is with fast and fluid Windows 8. 

Please find the following instructions and let us know if you have other concerns.

1. As you would usually, open Metro Wordpress on Windows 8 and write your apology. We suggest avoiding words like “opine”, “assuage”, and “pro-forma” even if you find yourself with writer’s block. (Oh, we see you felt otherwise!)

2. Once complete, open the Charms.

  • The touch gesture for Charms is to swipe from the right edge.
  • The mouse gesture is to place their mouse in the top-right corner.
  • The keyboard gesture is to hit Windows+C.

3. Once revealed, tap or click the second-from-the-top charm – Share.

  • Select “Facebook” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Twitter” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Linked In” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “CNN” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “AP Newswire” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Fox News” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Friendster” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Google Plus” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Qzone” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Badoo” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Orkut” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Pintrest” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) Select “Webkinz” – your apology will be prepopulated; press Post.
  • (Repeat 2) (Repeat with other apps as required)

4. Once you have shared your apology / retraction, you can then post to your blog, or share again with “Mail” so your agent, your producer, and any anyone else who needs it as copy for their own press releases (in order to save their jobs just because they happen to know you) can have it, too.

Thank you for using Windows 8.

Conclusion

Windows 8 can prevent many mistakes. For example, the classic blunder of installing applications that end up wrecking your computer can now be avoided by the curated Windows Store of applications that are safe and ready for Windows 8 – no more downloading an EXE or MSI and hoping it doesn’t format your hard drive!

To that end, Windows 8 can’t keep you from saying dumb things on live television. The good news is: if you find yourself in the latter Windows 8 *can* help you apologize more efficiently. Let’s hope we never have to prove we can!

More info:

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